it's getting hard to feel safe here.

i don't feel comfortable going about my daily routine as if things aren't shattering, shifting, & changing all around me. i don't fear the violence in philadelphia any more or less than i did before -- it's always been raw here -- but what i mean is that i'm not comfortable. there are rumblings & foreshadowings, all of which tell me not to seek comfort or shelter. i feel like a lot of things are about to be flipped. at work, at home, all around me. shit's just changing. then there's the whole mercury retrograde business. well, let's see how it all goes down, shall we?

if you know anything about me

you know i've been crafting.

some of the fruits of my labor are for sale on etsy.com. i present to you dope girl fresh.

i'll be adding more items as soon as i make more items. ;)

oh, the myriad ways in which it all comes together.

aka things i'm gonna blog about when i get the time (instead of as i'm preparing to go back to work from a really delicious 5 day weekend):

- the violence against black/ poor/ brown/ otherwise marginalized (more than usual) women. inspired by loving pecola's loss of a loved one, the losses of san-dee, asia, latoiya, shannon & maria lauterbach... & more recently felicia mickels.

which is tied into:
- the michael nutter thing (again). i'm gonna finish what i posted a few days ago, after i really give it the old college (dropout) try. i want to organize my thoughts fully.

which has something to do with:

- my most recent visit to nyc

- the parallel ways in which my mom & i are growing up

... there's more, but your girl is already late to work.

music i'm excited about:

adele. white. british. no skinny minnie. good pipes, wonderful fashon sense. girl can saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang. peep:

painting pictures @ lancaster library


chasing pavements live:


chasing pavements music video:


daydreamer on jools holland live:


i may add to this later. but i can't think of anything really new that i'm into. but y'all out there in blogland may not be aware of the fantasticness that is owusu & hannibal. (a million babies is my shit)

there is no fancy way to say it:

i'm tired of feeling like i'm fellating someone w/ really stinky balls for a living. that's what my day job is like. i keep reminding myself of the goals & the deadline i gave myself -- one i'm sticking to w/ no trouble -- but damn, it's hard to keep at it.

(i'll finish my first post abt the new mayor as soon as i figure out how to make a meal out of frozen veggies, red bliss potatoes, veggie broth, & every seasoning in my cabinets... without washing the dishes first.)

okay. i think i found the right ones.

the right shoes.
i need the right dress/ skirt & top combo.

behold the greatness:



they aren't cheap. they aren't crazy expensive, either. they're definitely my idea of a conversation piece . . . cuz heaven knows my ass doesn't plan to go very far in them. heh.

i suppose that if you're gonna do fuckme pumps, you'd best be doing it all the way. i am. i will. in black and in red patent.

no way.

70 degrees in january?
you're playin. i must be dreamin. lord have mercy, it was simply glorious out today!

of course i was out until almost 10 pm.
of course i took a cab home ($11 well spent!)
& of course . . . i'm still up. frontin like i don't have a 10+ hour day at work tomorrow.

but i had to be thankful for the weather. i had to share that. i'm so rejuvenated by it, even if it is dark at 5 pm every day.

a bonus blog for today:

in the great tradition of my sexual caveat post from summer 2007, i am sharing w/ you something i swiped from my girl oyin's blog (it's private, so i can't link it). it's funny because it's true. ;)

if your grasp of the english language is rudimentary

(and if you don't know what rudimentary is and can't figure it out with the context clues...this prolly means you)

do not attempt to write erotic poetry

it is simply a poor choice

go with where your talents are...

impress her by adding up the tip in your head

build something

burn her a cd

do an interpretative dance

because a line like "i want to kiss in between your pelvic..."

or "i want to make love to your inner loins..."

*shaking my head*

these things will be shared with homegirls

and they will find their way into random blogs

don't let it be you, hear?

don't let it be you...

the michael jackson treatment in music videos:

from snoop dogg. sexual seduction (this is my JAM):



from mary j. (towards the end especially), "just fine"



y'all know i'm a michael junkie, right? like, slap a fool upside the head for mike. lol. anyway... enjoy!

i don't feel like delving today.

that is, i'm cleaning out my closets literally but the figurative act of doing so is way too much to handle at the moment. there are things churning around in my head about becoming a doula, becoming a massage therapist, & about this evolution i'm experiencing overall. i am a crafter, a day jobber, a writer . . . all these things that seem to be vying for dominance in my life. i mean, the logic says that i'd be without a place to be all this "other stuff" without having a pain in the ass day job, right? but i could not possibly look fwd to leaving work each day if i didn't come home to my creatively-infused home, right? so much. so many things. i've got to be immediately occupied w/ working, crafting, healing (my tattoo is healing funny, but from what i surmise it's an issue of its locale on my body & not shoddy work by jason, but more on that later), loving, laughing, building & a bunch of other -ings before i can even think about becoming the fabulously & fully self-employed self i want to be 1 year from now. there's a lot. i don't know if i can say i feel overwhelmed, or simply unaware of where/ how to begin.
thankfully, though, i'm being held up by folks who feel inclined on a consistent basis to contribute in a positive way
i'm learning to juggle (& eventually balance) it all
loosing myself of things/ persons unnecessary
finding out exactly what it is to actualize potential in the face of what can only be described as the "no-you-can't" mass choir & its accompaniment, the faithful "i've-never-heard-of-that-so-it-must-not-be-valid" chorale. fuck 'em both; i've got work to do.
i'm letting go of the idea that i've got to get everything done all at once just because i think of everything all at once. this is not freaking easy. at all.
i'm learning process
practicing patience
trying my damnedest not to just up & quit the things i hate, though they get harder on the daily
i still feel like i'm waiting for my turn to jump into something. maybe a chute or giant water slide that leads to something with which i'm entirely unfamiliar. i'm less angsty about it, though.

i just wanna be fully ready to get this show on the fucking road.

i love me some damn leg warmers.

i mean, like . . . they are so effing great! & in the winter when i feel like rocking a skirt, they save my calves every time. behold:



(those are also my favorite sneakers. pink & black tweed nike blazers)

the purple ones i LOVE, too:




don't hate. it's futile.