i am sean bell.

i got this video from jo, via a post at dawson's ink. i give thanks for stacey muhammad's project. i'm really quite speechless. teach the babies. save them. save us. & please share this video. peace.

sonic crack.

this is all nezua's fault. there. i said it. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, MAN! i'd shake an angry fist at you but i'm too.busy.dancing.must.stop.dancing.CANNOT.STOP.DANCING.

shit.

i can't get this song out of my head. i will be dancing to this whenever i get married to whomever is perfect enough to want to wake up to this very song at least once a week (and me, but the song is just as important) . . . holy shit.
i love it.
turn it up LOUD if you're not at work. or if you have headphones. hell, just turn it up anyway. chair dance, cubicle refugees!
prepare yourself to fall fully in love with the synth of it all.

*ahem*

the knife, "you take my breath away"



(and homegirl on the right? her makeup is killing it. don't think i won't do some shit like that. cuz i will.)

self love blog #1

mi cara.
my face.
the mug.



i finally learned to love this face of mine
after 27.9 years of wondering why i didn't have a "more black" nose or fuller lips like my mom



after learning late in the game that there's nothing better than fly spectacles




i look like the moon, lol
and that's kinda dope.

everybody's got their something.

introducing the ornate pubic hair fashion show:



i can't say shit, cuz i have a vch, pierced nipple, tattoos, & will probably further explore both forms of adornment as i grow older.

the peacock thing was kinda dope, too. gives me ideas for halloween... but with a lot more clothing. lol.

shine on!

dope girl fresh has been featured on the ultraviolet underground blog.

altered thought's silly ass is back at it. this time, he wants you to learn the basics of having relations.

laetiçia has learned the glory of bragging, a valuable lesson learned from mama gena.

falsabaiana's kids won the GOLD in their ballroom competition. (girl, gimme a link to read if there is one) she's also a recent birthday girl! yaaaaaaaaay!

this is my time to celebrate ppl i know/ love (especially myself! lol) & the wonderful things they do/ create, no matter how big or small.

silence still won't protect you:

some links to feed your inner (or outer) revolutionary:

the sakia gunn film project

black./womyn conversations on blogspot & youtube (i'm SO mad i missed the philly screening)

brokenbeautiful press

no snow here

the butch caucus

happy reading!

being undone can be wonderful.

(swiped from olaomi's blog on myspace)

She's come undone

A exhortation of sorts that is cried out when a woman gets too loud

or hysterical -which of course has the same root as hysterectomy

or bursts out of her corset

or allows the bun at the nape of her neck to come aloose

or takes up too much space

or speaks her truth loudly

or kicks and screams

or does all of the above at once which means she is having "a nervous breakdown"

or is generally not tippy toeing around in a tight ill fitting pinching quiet small shell

she has come undone

when she

when we

are not controlled

I can be the Empress of Control

soft, dulcet voice, smooth touch, not rattled by anything or anyone

one spiritual group refers to it as being "eternally at peace in any situation"

to make is sound like something good, something laudable, something one should seek out and cleave unto themselves

I can

do that

well

But I Feel so much better

when I am undone

there is not a tight knot in my throat

my chest doesn't hurt

and my back and neck don't ache

I am not as my sister said nauseous from swallowing so much shit

Amy Tan wrote that in her culture women are taught to swallow pain and that that is thought to be one of the duties of womanhood

I had a lover from Gambia once who told me the same thing, that women are created to take pain

conversely

we are not expected to experience pleasure frequently...but to give it endlessly

I am in the midst of an internal battle to stay

undone

an every day war against

the conventions, and mindsets, and upbringing and ways and mores

that poke and prod and suggest and insinuate and demand that I

remain

done

controlled

not doing so is a daily battle

it is a fight for my life

for my breath

for my sanity

for my health

yeah you are interpreting this correctly

what I am saying is that I am consciously working on

being the crazy bitch

the fatal attraction whore

the baby mama with drama

the insatiable freak

that woman who is not above speaking her mind or getting what is rightfully hers

the shrew

that little part that everybody's momma has that we fear

cause

it is a lie not to be this part of ourselves sometimes

to lose it all in the pursuit of staying

done

and it is suicidal

she's come undone

indeed

completely

totally

forever

Un

Done

she refuses to breathe life into lies anymore

she does not sit idly by and take shit anymore

she is not assisting you in abusing her anymore

she is not a cog in the wheel of oppression

nor brick builder for the patriarchal white supremacist pyramid

she expects more

and more

and more

she has the gall to not accept anything less than what she gives!

she is shocking

she is wild

she is off

she got funny ways

she sum timey

she moody

thoroughly

UN

DONE

so

mote

it

be

in the name of all that is round

and juicy

and life giving in the Universe

if you know anything about me

you know i've been crafting.

some of the fruits of my labor are for sale on etsy.com. i present to you dope girl fresh.

i'll be adding more items as soon as i make more items. ;)

feeling like my fulfillment is on hold

like i have to shake my ass a lil harder for those tips
smile bigger when they ask how i'm doing, so massa & them don't know i'm planning to leave
i'm growing impatient &
full of myself, certain that i'll strike when the iron is hot
my hands itch to pull at that other shoe, instead of letting it drop on its own
trying to slow this mess down just enough to savor the last days

i'm more aware now than ever of how this is gonna go down,
where my support comes from
what i need to leave alone
& ultimately, i'm fully able to see where i ought to be
what steps to take, where to plant my feet.

i just have to breathe & take care of this stuff first.
the babies will come
the money will come
the new home will come.

i just have to make it so.

revelation:

i am happiest when crafting with abandon. when i can just do whatever i want with whichever medium, i feel most peaceful. i feel alive.

reason #275 why i'm leaving that job.

new food post!

over at delicious ignorance. mmmmm, fooood.

read it. try it. love it.

if you know and/ or love me

you probably know my birthday is coming up this sunday, october 7.
if you are able to or interested in gifting me, i'm into the following items/ concepts:

loose leaf & other fancypants teas (i.e. tazo, yogi, revolution, mighty leaf, stash)
inexpensive, yet tasty wine. i'm partial to petals, gerwurztraminer, riesling, & pinot noir. & don't forget that fu-ki plum! good god.
music!!! i still don't have the new talib kweli. & i *heart* vinyl. i need angela bofill, as much stevie as possible (i have hotter than july & songs in the key of life already)... old soul records are a plus. anything by the police on vinyl is also a major plus. i might mess around & marry you behind that. ;)
gift certificates to whole foods or trader joe's
socks in interesting or bizarre color combinations
PENS!!! nice fancy ballpoints.
anything from duross & langel
supplies from coastalscents.com
massages
quirky, unique pieces of art that i can keep in my home (see: joshua mays)
houseplants -- preferably succulents, like jade or aloe (they're hard to kill. lmao.)
daffy's or old navy gift cards
jewelry. god, do i love earrings. you can make or buy those, it matters not.
peacock feathers
acrylic or cotton yarn in pretty colors
INCENSE. nag champa, honey, cinnamon, the moon, triple amber (i can't find it anywhere), red rose... i love incense
7 day candles. preferably orisa candles. ;)

i won't go on any more about what would be good gifts. these are just ideas if you wanna give me something & don't know what to give.


um... otherwise, get the glitter & construction paper out
prepare your vocal chords for singing
get the thumbs ready for texting
draft your emails now
generally, just get ready to help me celebrate myself. this is the one day a year when i'm "supposed to" be fully self-indulgent & into my own desire to the point of distraction. but a big part of that involves YOU, dear friend. kick it w/ me. come act silly.

email: sechita(at)gmail(dot)com (you can find my paypal that way, as well as my amazon wishlist)

xoxoxo

meh: an update.

1) i'm paying earthlink for internet service. earthlink is cheap. earthlink is trying to make this city wireless. you get what you pay for. i am beyond annoyed. i can't even blog from home! gah.

2) there is a major scandal brewing at my job. i work in human resources, & that basically means that the inspector general is gonna be down our throats sooner as opposed to later. not just the HR manager. like, the whole office might get called before whomever wants to know about us. lordy be. i'm keeping a low ass profile at the gig. i'm crazy but not stupid. i need to pay close attn & keep my ear to the ground, f'real.

3) i would rather be fucking. seeeeeriously. you have no idea.

4) i discovered that there's been a four legged creature visiting my apartment. i will kill it, like i did the other one. sorry. if you don't pay rent & aren't a welcomed domesticated creature you have to go.

5) i found out that someone i don't fuck with like that is not only friends w/ someone else i don't fuck with like that, but that they both seem to think the world of me & want me to kick it wiht them, despite my apparent demonstration of not-wanting-to-fuck-with-them-ness. (yeah, i know.) i want them to be clear on my unwillingness to be bothered, without my having to scream or gnash my teeth. wish me luck.

6) i'm gonna start giving ppl 3 days to pay for bath products. i am not about to waste my life force making salts/ bombs (especially damn bombs) for ppl who don't seem to understand that they need to pay for what they order when they say they will. this especially applies to the girl in my office who waited 3 weeks to tell me she didn't have $6 for some bath salts. wtf? boo, i know you don't have it. that's why i didn't bring them shits to your desk... & don't think i'm giving you a sample or freebie cuz i feel bad. it's your prerogative to spend bath salts money on mcdonald's, the same way it's mine to take these joints home to take a bath with. holler.

7) amy winehouse's first album is so drastically different (sonically) from her first that she almost sounds like a different person. it's kinda sad, like on some carmen mcrae shit.

8) that being said, keyshia cole needn't be on the cover of the new essence. that's vomitous. falcor the luck dragon made the cover before they found a "down" white woman? i'm not buying that shit, kid. (if you don't know i'm joking please let this be your warning. but something about keyshia cole makes me itch incessantly. i don't know what it is.)

9) riesling is something that i never should have discovered. i love it so much that i wanna name all my babies riesling. really.

10) tomorrow (really today) i go for allergy tests. oh, lord. if i find out that i've got celiac disease i'm gonna cry a LOT. then i'm gonna find out how to make bread out of not-wheat. yeah. that's a word i just made up.

11) knowing that a girlfriend of mine is pregnant, two friends are going through divorces, & that most of my attached friends are either having drama or dating complete loons has made me feel much better about rolling solo. it sucks when i wanna cuddle on the sofa, but screw all that emo crap. i'm bad all by myself.

12) i just got cayenne pepper up my nose. damn.

13) my crush probably doesn't know he's my crush, & that's okay.

14) season 4 of the wire on dvd soon. YES! more cutty. thanks, netflix!

15) i'm one day going to be a homeowner. that's neat.

gratitude #6:

music

laughter

the circle of new friends into which i've been absorbed

ppl who appreciate simple shit

netflix

folks who're not wise enough to password-secure their wireless networks

coconut milk

the nail salon up the block from me

phillyspeak

knowing when i shouldn't do something, & sticking to that

water

yeye mi

gentle winds of change

baba mi

the fire it takes to speak up

favela rising

honest yet tactful critics

the eyes to see what's really going on

finding new blogs

yummy smelling bath stuff

knowing that what i really want is well on its way

collard greens

strawberries!!!

babies

my crafty leanings

flirting

my sunday boo (we need to really plan these dinners)

i sit at the seat of bliss... no matter what. i am carving out for myself the place i want to be most.

these people aren't pro-life . . .

they're killing doctors. © george carlin

i love him
& i appreciate dark daughta for posting this clip. i think that her blog (see the 'caminos de mis hermanas' link list) is an important one. check out all of her links, peep the birth photo log (wow, okay? it's beautiful) . . . just enjoy. i really, really, truly feel good when i read her words.

messin w/ the camera phone again

i dunno
i was bored
& honestly, i was avoiding doing laundry (note the crumpled dress under my head, next to the pillow)

my hair looks like kiwi fuzz. lmao. i need either a haircut or some serious dedication to growing my 'fro out. at the moment i'm considering hollering at the malian sisters who braid hair in my neighborhood. i think i could bring back the kanekalon or body wave 10 inch for a few months. maybe. i'm not patient enough to sit for microbraids anymore. lol.

maybe it's the damn weather.

all i want to do is eat & sleep
eat & sleep
drink wine
sleep
eat
sleep
pee
watch a movie
eat
drink tea
sleep
...
i hate feeling this way, honestly. i want to turn on my space heater (i was just running my air conditioner last week, wtf?), wear fleecy things or denim skirts & tights, & sip on this mint hot chocolate i have in the cabinet. gah. somewhere in this early hibernation (or a winter test-run, i guess you could call it) i'm listening to nina simone, wondering if i'll ever sign up for crochet classes, drooling over new yarns, & generally getting ready to hole up in my apartment.

but i wanna move
i want a new place to live
i'm ready to start looking, even if my money isn't all there.
i need casserole dishes and real effing dishes for once (i've survived on plastic/ paper all this time, i dunno how) . . . i want a new tea kettle & some new legwear.

yeah, it's the weather. all of a sudden i'm like in needy broad mode. this has to stop, or be relieved by some massive financial contributions from viewers like you. *cheezin* thanks!

p.s. -- i would also like to add to the list of weather-change goodies the following items:

more brainchild radio/ dj brainchild podcasts
a cuddlejawn (if you have to ask, you must not know me)
lots and lots of tea
enough time to use my vegetarian soup cookbook (HELLO, vegan pho)
a nice, cozy birthday outing
lots & lots of tasty wine
peacock feathers
several pairs of dope sneakers (it's residual conditioning from elementary/ middle/ high school)
more vinyl
... did i mention a new apartment? yeah.

wish list fall '07. i hope i can make all of this happen.

mariam's gonna be famous!

look!!! she's the DIYer of the week at newsday's cheap thrills blog. yay! i strongly recommend that you buy her designs. i own a few pieces, i've given some pieces as gifts & i can guarantee that you will not ever, under any circumstances, find products like hers. mariam's one of the most intuitive, progressive, avant garde jewelry designers i know. i love her to pieces. & her little boy is CUTE. i wanna put him on some rye toast w/ horseradish mayo & red leaf lettuce. mmmmm, tasty baby. . .

somma y'all need

to hire your girl as a stylist.

see, i was online bustin it up w/ my good buddy fredara the great & she was like, "i gotta figure out what to wear to this wedding." so, being who i am, i asked her what color she wanted, & if she was into tea length dresses/ skirts.

next thing i know, i'm on anthropologie.com ogling this lil beauty.
then i decided that she needed some peacock feather accessories from j. jewels, a gold clutch & gold shoes. fortunately for me, that's just what fredara was thinking about.

but the point is, i think i could really pull the stylist thing off
not because i'm more fashionable than anyone else, or because i've got more swagger or anything like that.

but because i pay attention to folks. everyone likes to be accomodated. but let me not give away my secrets. cuz i'm tryna make some money while shopping for others.

i'm gonna attempt to do this

in fewer than eight million fragmented little blurty posts.

i wanna talk about how this youtube clip has, yet again, struck a chord with me. she said "if our ancestors can walk/ barefoot & afraid in the dark / for miles & miles & miles . . ."

shit. i can't even get into it right now, because i'll start crying & naming names & that's not what i wanted to do.

i wanted to share. there isn't much else i can say on the subject at the moment.