i don't like the fact that i have to bury another loved one.
it's really hard for me to sit through church services as it is -- i've never been one to sit for hours on end while being preached to -- & staring at a casket is just no shit i'm ever gonna be comfortable doing. i'm typically annoyed at funerals, because they never seem to be for or about the decedent. i can't stand it. i don't know what i'd prefer instead. i just . . . hate the viewings & parading past the corpse. i hate the whole process, really. i don't know of an alternative. i only know that the ceremony of a funeral does nothing to ease my grief. & the more i think about it, the less i sense that it eases anyone's grief at all. it's not that i have a solution to the problem. grief can last you for the rest of your life.
i'm just sayin
i'd rather not get dressed up to have the last visual memory i have of someone be that someone in a casket, looking like a contorted, waxy version of themselves. i'd rather not watch ppl say their last goodbyes -- i've always felt that was entirely too personal. i don't need to see anyone kissing their parent goodbye. it's not for me.
& i don't know what i'll do when it comes time to bury my mother or grandfather. i'll have to cross that bridge when i get to it.
for now, i've got to get ready to say peace to monae.