i don't think it's okay

that i went all the way to 140th and brook to find the best peaches i've had all season, probably in years.

but i had a wonderful day.

i did it because it felt good.

i ate that whole container of hummus
devoured that bottle of cheap ass white wine
walked around my apartment in just a pair of heels -- by myself
watched some porn
flirted endlessly with no desire to take it further
bought that pair of lace panties
cut all my hair off
slathered myself in coconut oil
stayed in bed an extra three hours
packed a bowl & smoked myself silly
enjoyed a sandwich with two kinds of meat and a cheese on it
wore a skirt w/ no panties underneath
copped a pair of sexy shoes for no apparent reason
fucked around w/ your homeboy
got some extensions put in my head
drank a whole pitcher of lager & three shots
danced w/ a girl
gave out a fake name @ the club
went bonkers on the clearance rack
got my nails done
kissed a baby
smiled at strangers & said 'good morning'
started a blog
spent 30 minutes in the dressing room & didn't buy shit
ignored that phone call
had a glass of wine w/ lunch on a monday
wore jewelry that didn't match my outfit
left work early to go on a weekend trip
pretended to be younger than i am
lied & said i was older
downloaded an album
wore some crazy looking outfit
called someone a dirty name
got nasty on the mic
played dumb
snickered when someone got fired
called out sick just so i could have sex all day . . .

my current feelings/ thoughts on thanksgiving:

i don't feel like it.

this year, i want a turkey sammich in one hand & some sort of intoxicant in the other, while watching some kind of ridiculous film or television program on dvd (see: get a life, in living color, pootie tang, or napoleon dynamite) with some friends.

i will have that kind of thanksgiving. dammit.

even if my entire family converges on my itty bitty apartment & decides to eat candy off exu's shrine space . . .
even if my perpetually chilly apartment lets the hawk in . . .
even if my janky ass oven puts an unnecessary coating of crispness on everything i bake inside of it . . .

i will enjoy this day off.

new food post!

over at delicious ignorance. mmmmm, fooood.

read it. try it. love it.

i love | i need | i want

#3

love:



trader joe's pomegranate white tea. iced w/ lime juice and the right amount of turbinado or agave nectar . . . lord. just get some, please. that is, get some for me. cuz i'm gonna drink all of what i have.

need:



the west elm storage bed. yes, lord. in chocolate, queen sized. it took me forever to decide what kind of bed i wanted . . . & i've found it. now i just have to order the thing, put it together, & enjoy it. (i also need new bed linen, but that's really on some 'go buckwild at ross or burlington' stuff)

want:



a new apartment. not the one pictured above -- this is for illustrative purposes only. but i need a new one. i'm literally outgrowing the space i'm in, not to mention having problems with my landlord being one of these. the long term goal, of course, is a home of my own but that's gonna take a bit longer. the immediate needs i have: 1-2 br, $650 or less per month, respectable neighborhood, proximity to public transit (the car will be procured early 2008), & good neighbors. i need lots of natural light, i don't mind a walkup, & i think it's important that i have fully functioning (even if older) fixtures. i just want it to be a dope space where i can entertain, live, & be happy.

so maybe this is really an i love | i need | i need post?

maybe it's the damn weather.

all i want to do is eat & sleep
eat & sleep
drink wine
sleep
eat
sleep
pee
watch a movie
eat
drink tea
sleep
...
i hate feeling this way, honestly. i want to turn on my space heater (i was just running my air conditioner last week, wtf?), wear fleecy things or denim skirts & tights, & sip on this mint hot chocolate i have in the cabinet. gah. somewhere in this early hibernation (or a winter test-run, i guess you could call it) i'm listening to nina simone, wondering if i'll ever sign up for crochet classes, drooling over new yarns, & generally getting ready to hole up in my apartment.

but i wanna move
i want a new place to live
i'm ready to start looking, even if my money isn't all there.
i need casserole dishes and real effing dishes for once (i've survived on plastic/ paper all this time, i dunno how) . . . i want a new tea kettle & some new legwear.

yeah, it's the weather. all of a sudden i'm like in needy broad mode. this has to stop, or be relieved by some massive financial contributions from viewers like you. *cheezin* thanks!

p.s. -- i would also like to add to the list of weather-change goodies the following items:

more brainchild radio/ dj brainchild podcasts
a cuddlejawn (if you have to ask, you must not know me)
lots and lots of tea
enough time to use my vegetarian soup cookbook (HELLO, vegan pho)
a nice, cozy birthday outing
lots & lots of tasty wine
peacock feathers
several pairs of dope sneakers (it's residual conditioning from elementary/ middle/ high school)
more vinyl
... did i mention a new apartment? yeah.

wish list fall '07. i hope i can make all of this happen.

i love | i need | i want

#2

love:



trader joe's macaroni & cheese. yes, i am dairy sensitive & bordering on intolerant (HI, BILL!). no, it's not healthy to eat a whole tray of this shit. but i'm pmsing, and i've been really good about my dairy/ starch intake lately. my secret weapon: a sprinkle of garlic powder on it before i mix it up. good god. most creamy, coma-inducing food to yet come out of the crackhouse that my good buddy jill refers to simply as "the joe's." just . . . don't get mad at me if you start tweakin off tj's mac & cheese, okay? all i can do for you is offer to eat the macaroni to allow you the chance to recover.


need:



new balance wr873s. i need new workout (running/ walking/ traipsing through nyc or philly) kicks. i genuinely believe that these are the ones i need most of all. aside from the fact that the colors are kickass, these'll do everything i need them to. i'm gonna be outdoors mostly, not on a treadmill or elliptical . . . & to top it all off, they're blue and coral. what's fuckin w/ that? honestly. my alternate pair: the w809. but them shits aren't as fashion-forward color wise. lol.


want:



a new dress, or three. these are my top choices (right now, because i haven't seen what old navy's got), from alight.com. i want to have enough dresses in my wardrobe that even in the dead of winter, i'm straight stylin on motherfuckers. besides, any one of these would go damn well w/ the naturalizer kingsleys from last week's love | need | want post. even though the first dress needs an emergency ugly belt-ectomy. i'll find some fabric for that lil thang SO quick . . . plus #18 on my 43things list says very clearly that i want to buy a new sexy bitch dress.

i love | i need | i want

(stole this post idea from teeteezie, whom i lurv & really do not talk to enough)

love:



prince of peace honey ginger crystals. holy hell, this has gotta be the BEST ginger tea yet. i know they sell it at whole foods & random around-the-way health food spots. yes, the main ingredient is cane sugar, but SO WHAT? the ginger is strong in this, son.

need:*



more essential oils. so i can make salts, fizzies, and other delicious items. i'm out of lavender, jasmine, eucalyptus, sweet orange (but blood orange is on the way) & peppermint. those are all crucial to what i do. if you wanna contribute, leave a comment. we can work som'n out. aight? aight.

* i also need someone to pay my rent. but that's some shit i can do and AM doing myself. which is why i need more essential oils.

want:

(really badly)


naturalizer kingsley wedges. i've had my eyes on them for a hot minute now (since there was still snow on the ground) & i LOVE them. in brown. black, too, actually. heh.

maybe it'll happen. soon.