i'm not a huge fan of

the studio version of jill scott's "hate on me," because it sounds kinda overproduced . . . & sort of um . . . canned, if you will. but she sang it at the black lily closing show in may & i loved it. maybe it was ?uesto & the band, maybe it was because amy fucking winehouse had shown up. or maybe because i know just wtf she's talking about in the lyrics. my sista said if i gave you diamonds/ out of my own womb/ would you feel the love in that/ or ask, "why not the moon?" can we pause, reflect & breathe on that for a moment, please? i mean, damn. there are some folks on this earth who will tear every last tendon & bit of muscle from your bones & seek more if they believe you've got more for them to take. there are sometimes instances when ppl will show you precisely how ridiculous they are, & it's like katt williams said: "you mad at breakfast? nigga, you gangbangin on bacon?" pissed, desperate. grabby & needy for no reason other than their own exaggerated sense of entitlement & sadly inflated ego. tearing apart everyone around them in the name of being whom or what, i do not know. but they do it; & think that shit is peace. isn't.

the thing is, we are all humans
& we all have our moments where we have to think critically about others & by extension ourselves (i hope we all think critically about ourselves at some point or another). not to take away from or tear down anyone, but to really see who we are & what it's hittin for. head on. & truly, i think that within such processes, we kinda gain a clarity. a perspective that shows us a little better how we simply aren't ever really in a position to shit on someone else's situation. yes, someone may be troubled or misguided or whatever. but is that really a reason to decide that they're undeserving of your keeping your nose out of their shit?

i don't mean people who maim bunnies or kidnap elderly women or pee on teenage girls on videotape and then blame the shit on their brothers. i'm talking about your homegirl who's trying to finish her master's degree & make herself a better person at the same time. i'm speaking of anyone who's just living her or his every day life & is most likely progressing with it. nothing wrong w/ wondering about why your people are in the mess that they are. there's no shame in venting about the one friend you have who continually places her or himself in situations that always require mediation or some large amount of financial assistance. you can wonder all those things -- i think it's normal, to gain the best perspective possible on how you may or may not fit into all of this.

but if you're just plain pissed at someone's existence on this planet & instead of ignoring them you're seeking out reasons to talk shit on them, then perhaps you need to go rap w/ dr. phil or somebody. cuz that's just ridiculous.

straight vampires, yo.
leave that shit alone. some of us work to get where we are, while others just end up there serendipitously. either way, i'm not in a position to judge.

i'm not afraid of/ what i got/ i paid for . . .