1.14.2009

the plight of the fucking year:

how am i gonna be loved and sustained when everyone's either trying to fuck me because it's cute, or make me their healer?
i am fetishized
i am othered
i am dismissed
i am misunderstood
i am desired, yes
i am sexy, absolutely
but what of it when you're trying to get me to explain to you what sex with a woman feels/ looks/ smells/ tastes/ sounds like when it's not about that to begin with?
what of it when you're whispering behind my back to other women that i "just don't know what [i] want," that i'm greedy or confused?
that's the same thing as telling me i'm being picky while i'm in the middle of an allergic reaction to fish.

fuck.
how do i deal with the isolation that seems to come from being dedicated to being myself?
what do i do when all i want is to be held, and to trust, to kiss & touch & build without being put on stage (or on blast)?

4 comments:

The Diva said...

you ask yourself what would happen if you traded your isolation down for being put on that stage. i know that's not a risk you're willing to take.

i gotta train my new boi, too. he's all, "i'm good at what i do." uh, ok, that doesn't mean you're good at it with me, son.

just remember that it's easier to call you greedy and confused than to say, "i'm not man enough for her." that would require too much effort and soul cleansing. and most of them just don't want to do it.

there's no fear in isolation unless you're afraid of it. chin up, baybay. stay on your terms.

swirlgirls said...

Keep fighting your way out of boxes by being you. Someone will love YOU for YOU. The Diva is right...many men can't really handle it. But there are men are secure enough to. The "confused" thing...it shouldn't have to be a matter of choice because sexuality is not black and white.

It's funny because heterowomen think we have it good because we are every man's fantasy. I used to think so. No. It's cool in theory but in a relationship, not so much. It's not about being sexy or performing for men's enjoyment. People fear what they don't understand, and have to make up all sorts of reasons and explanations for themselves. It's not about you, that's their ignorance. All we can do is be real with ourselves and live the life that feels right.

ms. bliss honeycomb said...

yeah...what they said. :-)

sparkle said...

thank you all so much. i love each of you to pieces. :)