do you remember?

it was btwn christmas & new year's 2001, or maybe just after new year's. filo's. tasty treats. it was so small down there, so tight. i was w/ my girl sarah, & i think you were w/ some random friend of yours. a girl. skinny, tall. i wasn't drunk. just tipsy, enjoying the freedom of not having my boyfriend around. he was a wet blanket sometimes & never wanted to go out. but sarah was home from oberlin, & always looking to cut a rug since we were finally 21.
she & i had found our way towards the stairs, cuz we'd been thinking about leaving . . . or maybe because it was so hot by the ?uestlove's table we were tryna find air.
everyone in that place was tryna find air, i think.

de la soul. baby phat. i loved that song. i still do. i kinda went crazy when it came on, dancing like nobody was around.
but i wanted someone to come get close; even in a place like filo's, where it feels like a crowded church revival. & you did. right behind me, moving in perfect time. sarah whispered in my ear, "he's cute." i made the "giiiirrrrrrrrrrrrllll, i know" face & kept dancing.
you asked if we were leaving
i said "we were gonna, but we'll stay until it closes down."

i don't remember much else. you offered me some of your vanilla stoli + tonic (or was that your homegirl?). i loved it. i thought you were beautiful. & i never like dudes lighter than i am. never.
i wanted to ask you if maybe we could hook up some time. i wanted to know you. i wanted to know if your hands were as soft as they looked, what your hair smelled like (other than sudanese frankincense, dulled by the stench of cigarette-heavy air) . . . i wanted to know you.
& when i said we were leaving, we exchanged names
& i said, "maybe i'll see you here again? i come here rather often."
you were like, "nah, i'm leaving for england." like, that next day.
i felt a little stab in my heart. i let the whole "we should exchange e-mail addresses" thing fall by the wayside.
i wasn't gonna see you
you'd have a fabulous time in england & i wouldn't even be more than a faint reminder of home
i was sad about that, & couldn't figure out why
until one day maybe 3 months ago
it all came flooding back to me.

i met you at filo's, met you again through a mutual friend about 4 years later & couldn't place your familiarity. we started hanging out, & i never could quite figure you out. why were you so familiar? i'm sure you asked yourself the same questions about me. we'd talk about places we'd both been around the city & agreed that we'd probably crossed paths a few hundred times. i dated your close friend's cousin. we had several mutual associates/ friends. i kept asking myself why i hadn't met you sooner.
only i had
& so i was wondering if maybe you'd pop up again in 4 years or so,
a slightly different man
w/ a new cache of stories
back to stoli + tonic, maybe still on leffe

either way,
i know it was you.

do you remember?

the universe is so big, yet the way it rearranges itself can be deceptive.


PretaMulatta said...

with tears in my eyes, and hope spilling out of my heart, i want 2 tell u (and i really want 2 believe) that it's not deceptive, but rearraging Itself in your (our) favor.

i recently bumped into a brother who made my heart leap, after being wounded for soooo long, and i'm willing him into my life, not just on a brief, bump into u every few years & here's a hug, nice 2 squeeze your hand + gaze into your eyes scene. i want him WITH me. at least long enough 2 learn whether or not i want him WITH ME 4 REAL.

i remember. he remembered. u remember and i'm willing 2 bet that brother who stepped back into your path, his soul remembers...

creatrix said...


whatever it is & wherever it goes...just...try to hang on. lol.

*raises fist in solidarity*

omo sango kawo kabiesile said...

(i didn't like what i'd written before)

i wrote this to feel less burdened by my recollection.

it worked.

thanks, atlanta & omi.