i suck at praying.

that is, the way i was taught to pray (eyes shut, head bowed, on my knees & in the most respectful tone possible) isn't how i like to pray. i like to pray at random. i like to pray in my head most of the time, or in written form. when i pray out loud, it feels like i'm talkin to one of my girls instead of asking god something. or telling my grandmother that she needs to get her husband and kids and grandkids before i smack someone. i don't really know how to do ritualistic prayer. i don't know how to be small before god, because i feel that the god in me keeps me from being small in so many other situations. that thread makes me feel connected to everyone/ thing around me . . . how can i feel small as part of something so massive? if i manifest the power of every living, breathing thing around me . . . how am i small? i mean, i know i am. one in 7 billion humans. but if prayer is all about submission, if faith is about submission to the will of the almighty, how do i even begin to feel that way?

i guess that's why i feel like ifa is home.