i was tagged by miss dark daughta. & dammit, i like these survey thingies so why not?
the rules, though i kinda love to bend or break rules:
Post the rules before you give the facts. Post eight random facts about yourself. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names. Leave the people you tagged a comment on their blog, letting them know that they've been tagged.
these are things i have grown up about in the past 26.999999998 years. they're not birthday-specific necessarily, but still the kind of thing you want to throw confetti at yourself about, non? definitely little (and big) reasons to be glad to be myself.
one: my love of language is a great source of my pride.
i was the only child in a house of pretty much grown ppl for the first 2 years of my life, & i most certainly took full advantage of that. i groomed myself to know what people were talking about, how to express myself, & never be at a loss for words. i was a rather articulate 3 year old, & one day i declared to my mother that i was gonna start reading. she didn't believe me until i got stuck on a word & asked her how to pronounce it. as an adult, i am kind of a language whore. words are sooooo important to me! i like being able to express one idea in several ways. spanish is pretty much under my belt, so next come portuguese, yoruba, & probably akan or maybe dutch. i love words.
two: i used to hate my name.
i thought my life would be simpler, were i to have a 'regular' name like simone or allison. hell, i had a best friend named adina & i was jealous of her because at least she wasn't lenée. now i know better. who else would i be, except lenée? i mean, really. as i got older, i was okay w/ my first name, since i felt that "nay nay" wasn't an acceptable nickname name. but a big point of contention was my middle name. i was named after my father in that respect, & having grown up essentially without him contributing positively or consistently to my life made me bitter. we're not gonna get into the last name. i don't hate it anymore. i've made my peace with it, it's . . . mine just as much as it is my father's or anyone else's who has it. i'm okay w/ being myself on paper . . . & the racial ambiguity gets me some laughable reactions. definitely. lol.
three: i don't genuinely know what it is to sense guilt about or be ashamed of myself.
that is, i've felt uneasy or embarrassed, but actual shame is something i've never felt. actual guilt? like, i shouldn't have done that & didn't enjoy it & don't ever want to partake in it again because i never should have bothered guilt? you've got to be fucking kidding me. to coerce me into something has always been to frighten me into it, or to rationalize me into it. i've been apologetic if my actions have caused a result i didn't intend, or if i've been completely misunderstood . . . but guilt & shame i don't do. i'm thankful, really. that shit can be crippling.
four: i will give until it hurts.
i used to be mad about that & considered myself weak for it. but i've managed to discover something very important about being a giving person: giving until it hurts is only something to lament when you know you oughtn't to begin with. that is, i know who deserves the best i have to offer -- & those folks often give me the same. i am glad to say that i give when it's okay to give. i've been blessed, fortunately, with reciprocity in that area of my life.
five: i was a virgin until age 19.
i knew about sex from reading informational books (not romance novels or anything), so my knowledge of STDs & other foolishness was pretty good for someone who thought you were supposed to make noises while fucking . . . even if your partner's stroke was weak. even if you were too busy thinking about finding a job somewhere. lol! i was mature enough to realize that pleasure was supposed to be a bonus to the biological function of sex; as i've grown older / more mature, i use that as my guide. there are some things that simply won't fly w/ me. waiting until i'd been on this planet almost two decades was good. had i really given myself the space to, i would have waited longer, most likely. but it's okay. it's all good. now look at me. i'm quite the pleasure-driven individual overall & it's been really good for my sex life. yay me! i wish more folks would adopt a similar idea about sex. if it isn't gonna be fully enjoyable, i don't do it.
six: i love being single.
as much as i might say i want a man and/ or some babies, single womanhood (not living with anyone who came out of my womb or regularly copulates with me, any of that sort of breeding/ coupled up/ cohabitation stuff) has been exceptionally good to me. i think my creativity has been bolstered by not having to worry about anyone but myself. my deep desire for space & time to do my thing the way i do it has been really helpful. i feel like living with people (roommates especially, sometimes kids or an SO) puts me on stage. i have to rock the strongblackwoman veneer, be super proactive, etc. i hate that shit, & until i'm fully comfortable being my full self at least 20 of 24 hours per day i don't really think i need a man or babies. hell, i don't even want a pet. one of my houseplants is barely making it right now, cuz sometimes the high maintenance nurturing shit just isn't fly to me all the time. lol.
seven: my love of clothing & footwear might put me in debt one day.
but that's OKAY. cuz i'm a fan of the bargain shopping. or, the initially inexpensive items i find don't get a 2nd thought. lol. i like pretty colors, nice fabrics (i can't wear wool or any of the sweater stuff. *pout*), & find that seasonally i change my mind about what i want to look like. that's neat. reinvention is key. renewal is natural. so, why not do it on all fronts? besides, i kinda love the compliments i get when i throw some fly shit together.
eight: the family i've chosen for myself is every bit as important as the one i was born into.
anyone who knows me is aware of my continual growth as a person with the help/ love/ support of the people who're fortunate enough to be saved to the SIM card in my cell phone. my family, especially over the past year or so, has been a pillar when i really thought i was gonna lose my mind. i love my mom & sisters, my grandfather, my uncles & cousins (there are a LOT of cousins) . . . but none of them will ever make me feel like i'm unloved/ lost without their presence. i used to feel kind of weird about loving my non-family ppl as much as i do my blood relations, but i've gotten over it. actually, in a lot of instances the family i've chosen has done more for me (in an emotional support/ mental stimulation sense) than my mama & them. i have some of the best, most wonderful, kind, giving, fantastic, just plain fly ass people as friends. i am so fortunate. i love them all so much. i love knowing that i can unflinchingly call a few women my sisters, & that the feeling is never gonna be one-sided. i'm blessed. i could sit here & name their names, but . . . honestly, the most high knows who they are. men & women alike who have really, truly, for real been good to me. thank god for every last one of them.
i tag tia, aj, atlanta, melissa, riley (does he even read this blog?), & um... kenya. i would also tag omi & dark daughta, but they've already done it. lol. i guess i'll have to carry it over to myspace or facebook to grab more victims?
whatever. if you don't do this, you're just depriving me the opportunity to get deeper into your business. ;)
