old flames: a colored girl retrospective.

i'm not gonna go in order, or even name (government) names. i was reading omi's post of a similar ilk & i was struck by how easily i've been imprinted by the relationships i've had. i suppose that's because i was open, to begin with. there was never a moment when i regretted any of it. . . but i have definitely found myself questioning whether i'd ever find myself undone by the same conditions, if i would be stubborn enough to ignore lessons and major indicators that the shit just might not be a good idea. after all that, i'm glad i can say no. i've learned a lot in those relationships and in between them. enough to know that i don't care to be bothered with the bullshit, enough to know that reciprocity isn't a dream . . . enough to know that i'm never gonna be that woman again.

so, bit by bit i'm gonna be writing my memories. i don't know if i'll be able to find songs to adequately describe the walking disaster that was the rapper, or the overwhelming love i felt when dealing with the runner. i just know that the sooner i put it all out, the better equipped i am to take the hand of the next one and lead him into my apartment . . . to sit on my sofa . . . and watch the 2nd season of america's best dance crew while we eat coconut rice and compare tattoos.