leave the men out of it.

i was reading the healing black womanhood blog (which has some dope stuff, y'all should check it out) and something kinda bothered me.

the blog owner writes about black men in two out of the (as of this date) seven posts on the blog, and though i think understand her efforts as to not only heal black women but the community as a whole, i take something of an issue with this. not because black men don't matter. it's the posts themselves. if we're healing black womanhood, wouldn't honoring black manhood and discussing why we love black men come towards the end of the steps towards healing?

i cringed while perusing the blog. i am all for healing. i genuinely believe that healing work has to be done in the lives of a lot of women (not black women exclusively). but what some of us have come through and have yet to work through, though it may be or is tied directly to dealings with men, needs to first be discussed in depth and candidly before we jump on the celebration bandwagon. yes, positivity is necessary -- but before we give thanks don't we sometimes have to look at all the fucked up stuff that has gone/ is going on? where's that part? where's the part where we say "i don't like when brothas do this" to ourselves so that we are perfectly clear about what we do not want and are more capable of seeking/ naming what we DO want?

it's about process for me, not so much content.

i understand that negativity can kill and destroy us. but there's a difference between expressing genuine facts about the experiences some of us have had so that we can fully release those things to our pasts, so that we aren't carrying that crap around inside of us. so that we aren't apologizing needlessly for others.

why is it that so many sistas who want to help us womenfolk in virtually the same breath express adoration of black men like it's a fucking disclaimer?

i love my sistas, BUT BROTHAS I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU, I PROMISE

no.
stop.
please.

it's a lot more complex than that, and no disclaimer makes it any easier to swallow: we have all hurt each other and are hurting now
there is no magical salve to lay on all of us at once, cuz we all need different things to different degrees

and most importantly
if we ladies are continually trying to rebuild ourselves, how healthy can it possibly be to stop every few minutes and speak on the men, who should be fixing their own shit?

maybe i look too deeply into these things, but analysis has to be the name of the game when you're talking about fixing broken folks.