10.21.2008

the case for cuddlejawns.

(before we begin: a cuddlejawn is just what it sounds like. a jawn with whom you cuddle. i'm from philly. sue me.)

1) cuddling is good for the environment!
if you're cuddling (fully clothed, nude, partially clothed, socks only) with another grown person, chances are that a considerable amount of body heat will be generated. you and your cuddlejawn will save money on energy bills! radiator on the fritz? call your cuddlejawn. afraid of your gas bill? holla at your girl/ boy. don't feel like playing with that space heater? pick up the phone! get a blanket, and you just might set the night on fire! rawr.

2) cuddling is good for your self-esteem.
because, you see, that 10 lbs you're still tryna shake won't have to come off. that extra body on your body needs cushioning! knowing that you're divine just the way you are will do wonders for you, dear heart. it gives your cuddlejawn an even stronger reason to keep coming back for more of your good old boolovin!

3) you get to show off your extensive knowledge of foods/ beverages.
everyone knows that there's nothing better than a good plate of tasty morsels or a glass of something fly AND arms that warmly await you. and if the mutually agreed-upon cuddlejawn arrangement is going well i believe that food items will keep things going along swimmingly. besides, who the hell wants to be the trifling motherfucker who invites people over and never feeds or attempts to hydrate them? especially a cuddlejawn? show your gratitude by making sure there are yummy and new snacks.

4) this arrangement may be one of the healthiest relationships you ever have.
so many of us go into situations with others hoping against hope that s/he doesn't turn out to be crazy/ clingy/ unreasonable/ looking for a husband/ looking for a wife/ looking for a parental figure . . . without making sure that everyone's pretty much on the same page from the onset. so, with your cuddle jawn arrangement being essentially about cuddling and not sexual intercourse (not at first. where it goes next is your business.), i daresay it's impossible to get caught up in a snare of emotional bullshit. sex might complicate things for some of us, while for others it brings clarity. your job as a cuddlejawn is to be precisely what your cuddlejawn needs. that means everyone gets their needs met within the parameters of the arrangement. no hurt feelings. who doesn't want to be held without the pressure of a bunch of shit that has little to nothing to do with them? think on it.

5) boolovin might save us from ourselves.
you ever encounter a motherfucker who quite clearly needs a hug and/ or some kind words? don't you ever think that they should get that hug? those kind words? something to help them feel less miserable and stabby? i bet if they had a cuddlejawn they'd be at least tolerable. yupper. watch, y'all, and see! the boolovin might make you think twice about slappin the fuck out of your coworker. it may make you more alert during the work day. i mean, there are studies done on infants who are touched lovingly/ receive infant massage that suggest that these kids grow up smarter than those who are touched only when it's necessary (or whatever the control is). i say go for it. who doesn't wanna be loved upon more often?

and, i'd also like to suggest that cuddling may lead to some very rewarding, fulfilling adult interactions. this is the foreplay of life.
go find you a cuddlejawn!

this post has been brought to you by buckwild apiaries, inc., purveyors of honey love and boolovin.

2 comments:

ms. bliss honeycomb said...

ha! i love it.

i actually used to have a strict cuddlejawn waaaay back in the day. it was nice. i think i'm a little too hot in the ass for it now, tho. LOL.

i mean, it's a great way to start, but if i like you that much, chances are i'm not gonna wanna stay in cuddleland for long...

sparkle said...

LOL @ hot in the ass.

i love it.